Wednesday, May 04, 2016

Exactly a month after we'd started trying to alter M's sleeping and eating routines, it seems like (knock on everything!!!) things might finally get a little bit easier at night -- April has been really rough in so many ways, and the sleep deprivation and disagreements about sleep-related issues were really not helping.

Monday, April 25, 2016

A new campaign slogan: "A plant-centered diet is a planet-centered diet!" It's catchy (right?!) AND true!

Monday, April 18, 2016

And just like that, the dream towards which I've worked for the last 16 years got crushed like a bug, the carapace making a crunching noise that will likely reverberate in my ears for a while.

Wednesday, April 06, 2016

I'm dealing with the fact that as far as I know, Russian doesn't even have a commonly understood term for "boundaries" -- a lexical gap that reveals the gaping void in comprehension that I'm facing...

Wednesday, March 23, 2016

At three and a half months, the Big Boopa is now truly big, more than double her birth weight. Her skills change all the time. Right now, she's starting to grasp things with her hands consistently -- and shoving them in her mouth. She loves music -- being sung to, having musical instruments be played to her. She gives these big happy smiles when we sing to her. Her neck has gotten really strong, and tummy time is getting longer. She's been in the same place for a while in terms of experimenting with sounds -- mostly vowels, an occasional aga or agoo. She wakes up a couple of times a night, which feels almost manageable compared to the beginning. She loves to kick and being stood up.

Wednesday, February 17, 2016

I wrote this 2 or 3 weeks ago (hard to keep track of time) and didn't post cause ran out of time. M. is smiling now and cooing, which is amazing. She clearly likes being talked to and tries to "talk" back. This is the earlier post: Our little peanut is six weeks old -- which sounds short but feels very long, it's hard to remember what our lives were like before she came. She's growing so rapidly, her face and body change every few days -- get covered up with fat and then elongate and thin out again as she gets longer and longer; she's going to be tall, I think. Last night, she grabbed and held the bottom of her bottle in a way that suggests she'll be starting to grab objects soon. She is starting to smile and has the loveliest smile that lights up our faces. She focuses her eyes on us intently, and you really want to impress her when she's looking at you -- or at least I do. She is still remarkably chill much of the time. She feeds like a shark during feeding frenzy, often constantly throughout the day (when there are no discreet "feedings" punctuated by long sleep), especially at night -- I started to marvel last night how big her stomach has to be now to fit in as many bottles as she had in sequence one right after another, with only small breaks. But she has also started to sleep for longer stretches at night -- over 4 hrs last night! - which is exciting. She makes the cutest noises and is starting to experiment with vowels, especially "ah." She's still spitting up a lot -- not sure when her pyloric sphincter will mature. She has diaper rash, but neither the rash nor the spit up seem to bother her, though gassiness does quite a bit. She started to like baths (except for being cold afterwards) as soon as she got a real one. She definitely notices and responds to music, and I think she's starting to recognize J. and me. Yesterday was also our 5th smoochaversary -- we got snowed in by the massive storm. Five years and a baby later, I'm still recognizably the same person with the same struggles, as is J. Twice over the course of a few days we got into big fights while attempting to celebrate our anniversary. The second fight was bad enough that I switched therapists and am slowly coming to recognize how often I get unmanageably angry and displace that anger onto J. Better late than never...

Sunday, December 20, 2015

I wish I could've blogged and documented this last week - it's been the most emotionally intense of my life. One thought -- nothing can prepare you for dealing with the chaos of life like trying to stay calm while facing a screaming infant. A skill I'm very hard from mastering.

Sunday, November 29, 2015

To honor Rudi's first exposure to catnip (at least on our watch), J. made a video with "Hits from the Bong" for soundtrack. Me: I bet that's going on Facebook. J: No, it's too private. And what if he ever runs for office? (Other things J. has said to Rudi: "Put you good guy pants on, Rudi, we're going to town." Seeing as Obama is also a good guy, we're considering writing to him to see if he'd like to be introduced to our cat, a fellow "good guy.")

Wednesday, October 28, 2015

Quick notes from travel to Estonia: In Sheremetyevo: I'm in Moscow, which is weird; the flight from JFK was a bit surreal - there was a huge group of Hasidic men, mostly young and single, and they prayed en masse in the middle of the flight while standing in the aisles, to the distress of the flight attendant, who had very little success explaining to them in Russian or English how that's a safety hazard. They also broke intro group song on a number of occasions -- quite joyful -- that sounded *super* eastern European. They also decided to do some light proselytizing and asked N., the dark and curly-haired Greek art historian also traveling to the conference next to whom I sat about four times if he was Jewish. And totally ignored me cause I'm a woman, even though converting me at the moment would be a two-for-the-price-of-one whammy. There was also a screaming toddler. Not crying, just screaming, at a very high pitch, for very long periods of time... On at least two occasions, I ate fish and other sea food because there was so few (or no!) veg choices and no non-flesh source of protein. I've discovered that at this point, even if I allow myself to eat seafood or fish, I just don't feel good emotionally doing so -- the taste is not worth the shame and guilt, and the texture of shrimp in particular -- kind of cartilaginous -- made me feel like a monster. My one big impression of Estonian is that it has never met a vowel it hasn't wanted to lengthen. Seriously, I saw a word that had two (!) u's with umlauts in it. No matter what Estonians are saying, it sounds like they're singing a lullaby. On the flight back, I was rushing through Sheremetyevo and saw a t-shirt for sale of a Putin in sunglasses and parka cradling a tiger cub in his arms. If I weren't concerned about making my flight, I would have been sorely tempted to buy this, though I do think the Russians know what they're doing in this instance -- amazing how you can make money selling two different fantasies on one t-shirt (the earnest-faced adoration of Putin to particularly patriotic Russians; the ironic belief that all Russians enjoy shirtless Putin to Westerners).

Friday, October 09, 2015

I had an interesting experience last night. I was watching (re-watching -- I watched it some years ago but have very few recollections) Freaks and Geeks on Netflix in bed, and the baby is big enough now that she kicks a lot and quite powerfully, esp when I'm laying down (I now see my friend Katja's comparison to sea horses -- it often does feel now like there's a mysterious aquarium inside me that I can't see into). It was so strange to watch this show (set two years before I was born, but actually made the year I was a senior in HS, and suggesting thus that the white suburban American HS experience didn't change very much at all in the intervening twenty years) because mentally and emotionally, the experience of being in HS still really resonates with me, still feels fresh and real and close by, and yet I'm at a point in my life right now where I'm temporally equidistant (about 15 years) from being in HS myself and parenting this baby when it's a teenager in HS... That seems so profoundly bizarre to me -- it's very hard to imagine the me of right now doing that, though I appreciate that I have a bit of time to acquire the requisite skills gradually...

Sunday, October 04, 2015

Well, it took Rudi all of one night to go from "Let me sleep with you nice people through the night in your bed" to "Let me masturbate on your soft blanket every chance I get." Looks like the poor cat will have to hang out by himself at night, after all.

Monday, September 14, 2015

Having been a cat owner (human companion?) for all of four days, I've already come to understand much better whence comes the phrase "curiosity killed the cat" and why we have the phrase "hissy fit."
Yesterday was definitely the first day of fall -- it felt amazing to be in the cool, windy air. It was also more or less around the beginning of my third trimester...

Wednesday, September 09, 2015

I wish I wrote letters like this: “Dear Mr. Papp,”—Joe Papp, the founder of the Public Theatre—“May I begin by congratulating you upon being on the right end of the theatre business and secondly avoid the use of the word excited in describing how I feel about the latest of my projects, a performance/spectacle I call ‘The Pirate + the Penguin,’ the latest in the series of 9 or 10 penguin opuses.” Found here.

Monday, September 07, 2015

I have a very hard time with just a couple of members of my family of origin accosting me with unsolicited pregnancy advice and contradictory (again unsolicited and also quite unnecessary) concern: Don't gain too much weight! But going to the gym may pose great danger! I can't fucking even begin to imagine living in a culture where more than two people thought it was ok to do this...
I've never been able to figure out why I have such a violently negative reaction to the use of diminutive nouns in Russian... I wish I could explain to people the blind rage these words unleash in me...

Saturday, September 05, 2015

Q: What do you call feces produced after prolonged constipation? A: A backlog.